Am I Becoming My Mother?

As I was walking around the pharmacy, waiting for my prescriptions to be filled, I came across a display of adorable kitchen towels. They all had clever sayings on them and I wanted to buy one of each – for decorating, not for dishes.  One in particular made me think.  It said, “Sometimes when I open my mouth, my mother comes out.”  I don’t necessarily think I talk like my mom – she’s a lot nicer.

I’m blessed to still have my mom. She’s 89 years old and still on the go!  That’s great and I want to live a long time too so I hope I inherited the living long gene my mom got from her mom.  Grandma lived to be 98 and she wasn’t nearly as healthy as my mom is.  But will I really become my mother?

IS THIS ME?

There’s a picture of my mom and dad hanging up in my living room. My mom was 53 at the time and her hair was all grey!  She always has her hair cut short – sometimes too short.   My mom is gorgeous with her pure white hair.  Me – I’m 63 and have no intention of letting my hair go grey or getting a short haircut.  In fact, as I sit here writing, I am waiting for my hair color to set another ten minutes before I rinse it out.  I know I look like my mom, so I sort of know what I’ll look like 25 years from now, except I’ll keep coloring my hair and keeping it long until someone has the heart to tell me that my long Verona Brown hair looks ridiculous on a face this old.

(please excuse me while I rinse my hair)

I’m back. My hair is done.  No more greys! I feel a lot younger now.  Now back to becoming my mom.  I try to be mindful of things my mom does that annoy me so that I don’t do them to my children.  For example, Mom will be the first to tell me how cluttered my house is, while she’s unloading another pile of stuff into it.  She always gets these free gifts from ordering things from catalogs.  She gets free gifts from the casinos.  Then there are all the bargains she purchases at the dollar store.  Guess who ends up with all these free gifts and treasures? 

I don’t dare bring crap to my daughters’ homes.  They laid down the law on that long ago.  My mom keeps her place nice and tidy.  My daughters’ homes are always neat and tidy.  Me –my house looks “lived in”  because, well, we live here.  And all those treasures that my mother and daughters refuse to have in their homes are in MINE!

My mom has always been very creative as far as sewing and crafts. She passed some of her talent on to my sister – me – nothing. Mom does volunteer work at a hospital and does crafts with the patients.  Well, my grandchildren like to do crafts too, so Mom found a place to dump her extra craft supplies – in my cluttered house.

Before the granddaughters started school, Thursday was family day.  Mom, my daughters, my niece, my aunt, and of course the grandkids would all come to my house and spend the day together.  For some reason the girls loved grilled cheese sandwiches at Grammy’s.  I think it’s because I use Italian bread and real butter.  I always made a special shopping trip for family day, and I always politely told my mom not to bring anything, as I had the meals all planned.  Well, one day, in she walks with a pizza after I had already start making the grilled cheese sandwiches.  Who’s going to eat grilled cheese sandwiches when there’s pizza? 

Mom always has some kind of  food in her bag when we go anywhere.  Usually it’s something sweet like candy or cookies.  She constantly offers me some and I constantly thank her but explain that sweets just don’t appeal to me in the middle of the day.  And she offers again and I thank her again and explain again.  Mom, when you have a bacon cheese burger and bottle of wine in that bag, let me know.

This one I actually  understand.  Mothers always want to make sure there’s enough to eat – it’s just a natural instinct that we can’t control.  I used to always have snacks and water in my car too, as if the kids were going to starve during a 10 – 30 minute car ride anywhere.  It’s a “mom thing”!

‘TIS THE SEASON!

A few years ago, I suggested to my entire family that we stop exchanging gifts for the holidays, except for the children. Everyone was a little budget challenged.  The true meaning of holidays should be to enjoy each other’s company, not run up our credit cards.  Mom likes to go to the casinos, so she should spend her money there, not on a gift for me.  As far as a gift from me to mom, she returns everything I’ve ever given her.  Everyone agreed to cease the gift giving.  However, mom broke the rule and started buying gifts again.  So I had to get her a gift.  I must have spent an hour looking around the store for the perfect gift and she must have spent an hour in line to return it.  She sure loved the purse my sister got her.  She must have mentioned it a hundred times.  Okay, over the years, I have broken the gift giving rules toward my grandchildren as well – it’s a “mom thing.”

So I got to thinking about my mom and myself and my daughters.  Instead of being annoyed, we have to all remember that some things my mom does and some things I do, are not meant to be annoying but are done out of love.  Before we do something “out of love” for our children, I guess we should ask ourselves, if we would want our mothers to do that for us.  For example, when my first granddaugher was born, I gave my daughter a Mother’s Day gift.  Apparently, it offended my son in law because he was supposed to do that – and he did.  I’m so happy they were honest enough to let me know that because they were right – that was my son in law’s place, not mine, but it just didn’t occur to me.  

Apparently, my mom and I my have different outlooks on things like clutter, hair styles, food choices and holiday gift giving.  But none of that stuff is important.

What is important, is that my mom has always been there to support her entire family any way possible.  She’s always there to help – no questions asked.   Any daughter would feel blessed to have such a good relationship with her mother.  Becoming my mother means being kind, helpful, generous and loving my family unconditionally.  

So back to the question: 

Am I becoming my mother?

I sure hope so! 

Thanks for everything Mom.  We all love you so much! 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

debbie@grammyslittlehelpers.com